So two days ago, I get to the Military Station place, and on the ground right outside it, someone spraypainted a skeleton that said "Support our DUPES!" under it. I really hope there ends up being a draft. Get these people out there, holy shit. OMGREBELAGAINSTTHESYSTEM!!!!!11 FITE FITE FITE
So I spoke to my recruiter for a bit, distracted because the Army guys got out their huge blow-up Army doll thing that was about 10 feet tall.. and had it run up and down outside the window right behind her. How could I concentrate? We both started laughing. Then I got on the shuttle with two kids who are joining the Army. Two and a half hours later (stopping for the driver's cigarette breaks) I get to MEPS, and wait a little bit before taking the ASVAB. It wasn't really hard (of course) but some of the questions were ridiculous. I finished in about 45 minutes, then had to wait two more hours for everyone else to complete it. So I watched TV in the main room for a while. Then, FINALLY, everyone is done, and it's dark as Hell outside. Then they call all of us girlies to the front desk to give us a warning about truckers offering us drugs and money for sex at the motel. Nice? "Whoop their asses if you have to, but be careful. Those guys are in and out of that place, and we've had issues in the past.." Oh, awesome. Like I wasn't scared enough, haha.
Another two hours to the motel where we check in. Neat how everyone in our little mixed group of 12 or so were all from different branches; some kids were Marines, then us Air Force, then Army, National Guard, and Navy. A great mix.
The motel, it's a nasty little place; exactly the kind you'd expect in a horror movie. Lots of 'rednecks' and truckers eyeing us all up. Oh, awesome. I go right to my room (which is actually relatively clean) and hope, PRAY that I bunk alone. It's not that I hate being with people, but I want complete control over the room; bathroom, TV, sleeping hours.. mine. And I ended up alone; I was so happy. I went to the dining hall, and the head chef (who looks about 45) sees me coming down the hall, and he's like, "Hey there, sweetie! You look hungry! C'mon in!" And I'm like.. "I just.. want something to drink, thanks." And he's watching us all eat. I scooted out pretty quick, but I was hungry. Just not hungry enough to eat that unidentifiable sludge or be eyed up by the chef, you know?
I decided to go back to my room for a bit and watch some TV. I watched King of the Hill for an hour, then ventured out to the vending machine. Little did I know that the chef was there, again. He watched me walking, then suddenly goes, "Hey, where you goin'? What's your name?" And I'm like.. "Lorraine.. and I'm going to the vending machine." He goes, "Hi, Lorraine! I'm John!" and flashes me this creepy smile. Then the woman behind the desk goes, "Oh, John, leave 'er alone. Don't even think about it." EUGH. Then as I'm boarding the elevator to the 2nd floor to use the machine, I hear him behind me, "Whaddya mean? I'm just bein' nice, I ain't gonna do nothin'." It was .. beyond gross. I spent more than enough time at the machine because I was hoping he'd be gone by the time I got down. He wasn't.
He watched me go back to my room with Skittles and a danish, and then he comes down the hall a bit and calls to me, "Where ya goin'? What room number?" I just shudder and go, "I'm going to go back to my room.." And he's like, "Whatcha got there?" I didn't even respond, I was way too bothered, so I just went right into my room and locked it, then bummed around for a few hours and watched Crank Yankers, South Park, and Reno 911. Whew. I got to bed relatively early, ignoring the fact that two trucks pulled into the parking lot right outside my window and the guys were talking for 10 minutes. I was so tired.
4:20 AM, I get the wakeup call. Scares the shit out of me. Super Milk Chan is on, so I watch that for a bit and then realize that I have 10 minutes to get ready. No time for a shower, even.. how sick is that? I felt gross all fucking day. I watched Time Squad, then left for breakfast. Same chef, same disgusting shit to eat.. so I don't. I had some coffee, then waited outside for the bus. It finally comes, and thankfully, I get on. Whewww. Two MORE hours back to MEPS for the rest of my wonderful day.
Back to waiting, waiting.. same room, same people.. same shit on TV. Some guy transferring from Navy to Marines was talking to me, but I was so tired, I was barely listening. Nod nod nod. Then we get briefed and told how our day will go. It sounds longggg. And he even says, "Prepare for a long, long day." Super-good. Just what I wanted to hear..
We're led to check in where we get our super awesome identity tags, complete with bar code. Then we get to medical where we're checked in and given some papers, then we're briefed, then we're sent back out to verify some more forms, then back to medical for medical briefing.. back and forth, back and forth.. 30-minute medical briefing showing us how to fill everything out.. then we wait for registering for our physical tests. MORE WAITING. ALL THE TIME, WAITING.
Finally, we get to the medical room (not the briefing one, a hub for each section.) I get my vision tested (visual), my hearing (audio; the soundproof booth was really neat), my blood tested (HIV), my urine tested (I forget what it's called but there's nothing fun about pissing in front of a 45 year old lady to make sure we don't tamper with the cups), then our physical. Not fun at all. Stripping down to our skivvies (bras and panties), myself and five other girls (complete strangers) to do silly things like kicks, duck-walking on our knees, etc. And our doctor was a guy. How awkward! I didn't much like his hands-on checking, either. I know he has to check for lumps and look in our no-no zones, but he had cold hands. :P Freakish. He also humiliated me when I did my medical interview and he asked about my back. When I said I had some back pain, he just abruptly says, "Usually thin girls with larger breasts get back pains." Nice and loud so everyone can fucking hear. All the guys in the waiting room outside the girl's examination room were smiling at me. That bastard.
Anyway, I finally finish, and I'm ready to lift weights and swear in, when.. what happens? I have to go to ortho on the 31st because they're concerned about my back interfering with my job. Okayyy, fineee.. so now I have to wait, and go back to MEPS again. After finding out the great news, I go back to the waiting room and watch The People's Court and King of the Hill for roughly 5 HOURS. I get bored and wander into the Air Force office place to confirm my appointment and make sure I absolutely have to come back, and I see this guy in uniform with his back to me as I enter.
He heard me come in and turned on his heel, then smiled and said, "What's up?" And at that point, my heart exploded in my chest and melted to some kind of gelatinous mush. Maybe it was the sexy uniform, maybe it was his voice, maybe I was just silly with exhaustion.. but I was spellbound within an instant. :P And he was cute, too.. though not that typical cute that most girls seem to like. He was a different sort of cute, the kind that only Lorraine loves. He wasn't terribly young, either; seemed to me like late 20s to mid 30s or so. After he turned, I saw his eyes go from my ankles to my neck and then right to my chest. And he stared, still smiling. Then he looked down to my hips, then back up, then finally back to my face and cleared his throat, then blushed. HOW FUCKING ADORABLE IS THAT? I melted again, for the second time in 20 seconds. "Uh, yeah, about my ortho.." Then he goes, "Oh, yeah.. you're Lorraine?" And I nod, and he's like, "Lorraine, Lorraine.." then starts fingering through some papers until he finds my slip, and explains everything to me. Of course, all I heard was "blah blah.. back appointment.. blahdy blah, make sure you yadda yadda yadda.." All the while, eyeing me up and down, eyes stopping at my chest. For once in my life, I didn't feel uncomfortable while someone was doing that. It was.. nice. And I feel sick for saying it, but it was. I'll be honest. Now when I think of this, it wasn't okay for the chef to do this, but it's okay for this guy? It makes me feel weird, like I'm whorish. But as long as it makes sense to me.. which it kind of does.. and what I also found cute was how he'd stare at my chest and not seem to realize what he was doing. He was oblivious; he'd be staring right there and be talking like it was nothing, but then seem ashamed or something, and stammer and turn away. So cute.
I went back into his office about four times because the woman at the medical desk kept telling me, "Go tell him you can't lift weights until you do your ortho." So I went back. "Hello again!" Then he grins, "Go tell her you can lift weights. I said so." So I do. "No, you can lift weights next week after your ortho." Okay, back again. Kind of silly, but fun. He laughed. That made me smile.
Then he told me to get some lunch and come back, and he'd have it all filled out for me. So I did. Lunch was really good, too. I went back afterwards and he was there, and on hand to set me up for the day. He said something like, "You'll have to talk to your career advisor to discuss what job you're going to get once you swear in. It might be me, it might be someone else. Either way, you need to be here on the 31st, okay? Someone will see you after your ortho." I nodded, thanked him, and then left. As I walked out, I saw him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I smiled. I then sat back down and watched TV for a few more hours, and throughout the time, that guy was walking in and out, and every single time, we made eye contact. Over and over and over. He'd come in, talk to some people, then look at me and walk out. Then he smiled at me. Awesome. Then, when the shuttle driver didn't show up, he came out in shorts, sneakers, a t-shirt, and with a towel around his neck. He walked by me and touched my shoulder, "He's not here yet?" I shook my head no. "Okay, I'll be in the workout room. Come get me if you need me." I nodded and grinned. Aww, did he want me to go see him working out? I don't know. It was cute either way.
Another hour, more TV. My ass hurt from sitting. The guys at the desk offered to give me the remote, I'd been there so long, haha. Then he came back out, all sweaty, and said to me, "Still not here? I'll give you a ride home if you need it, okay? I'll be in my office." I smiled and thanked him, then watched him go back to the AF office. How adorable, how fucking cute is he? Sadly, my shuttle driver arrived, and he smiled and said, "See you on the 31st, Lorraine." I grinned, "Yeah, looking forward to it." Aw, damn! Why'd I say that? Shit shit shit. But he smiled, and I left. Three hours later (after being in the shuttle with a 56 year old Steelers fan rambling on about who the Hell knows), I get back to the Military Station and my recruiter gives me a ride home (after the Army guys bust my balls for a bit about going Air Force.)
On the way home, she told me all kinds of stories and stuff, then asked me about my career counselor. "Was it Grahm?" I THINK that was his name. I honestly forget. "I think so." Then she's like, "Blonde hair, sort of waved to one side? Sweet guy?" YEAH. "Yeah yeah, him." She starts telling me about how nice he is, then she notices me smiling. "Yeah, he's sweet." Oh, boy. And then she told me that I got a 79 on my ASVAB and I could do any job but a plumber and an electrician. Super-good!
I got home, showered, then went right to sleep. Longest few days of my life, but fun, really not so bad at all. Cheryl called me the next day, and I spent about 7 hours telling her every little detail. I love her so much; she's just who I wanted to talk to, and just as I thought of her, the phone rang. "Hello? Lorraine! How did it go?"
The 31st is on its way..