&welcome to Ain's recorded life;
info metallic-frost.net allies records
{ take a step backward }


Huzzah! { Sunday, March 08 2009  @09:09am }

{ mood    accomplished }

This is Lorraine's journal. She is also known as Aintain and Ain.

Here's some information you might be looking for:

» metallic-frost.net status: up!</b>
» team-venture.net status: up!
» my p2p connection: up!

Anything else? Feel free to bother me about it on AIM (go team venture) or by email (lorraine(at)team-venture.net OR ain(at)metallic-frost.net) .. thanks!

And now for the actual entries!


Blarf.. { Tuesday, April 26 2005  @12:00am }

{ mood    complacent }

Remember me? Of course you don't. I've been awfully sick and haven't had the time nor the interest in getting back on here.

I've been absorbed. Things here, stuff there, whatever else inbetween.

.. porn.. .. xD

It's true, porn. Porn! LALALA. dskgljhe6765

Beside that, hmm. Shopping at Soitenly. I love clearance, I really do.
ERIN SENT ME.. THE BOX. It was filled with crafts and treats. I LOVE YOU ERIN. <3 Thank you! I'm munching (sucking?) on those candy erasers right now. Rotting my teeth, I am. Indifferent. Wax lips were included, and I plan on taking a picture of myself wearing them soon. Soon! Someday.

My last day to sleep in, tomorrow. Time flies!
What else?

Nothing. Plan to give blood again. Hope I don't pass out this time! May 5th. Is this 6 months from the last time I gave blood? I hope so.

Delirious, tired. Can't stop eating candy erasers!
I love this chicken-pail. It's indescribably cute.

And this porn.. my poor printer! It can't handle 26 more pages of this crap.
But it will, because I'll force it to and buy a new cartridge if need be.

Been playing Final Fantasy Tactics the past 5 days because I found it in a box labeled "PLAYSTATION GAMES" along with a bunch of oldies that I somehow left behind. (NOT FORGOT. I never forget a great game.)

Speaking of which, I always master Geomancer so fast, it's pretty pointless to make Ramza into anything but a Geomancer/Monk, right? I always follow the same damn path!

And the moon has been keeping me awake the past week. The glaring moonlight just so happens to fall right over my pillow down to about my hips. I mean.. I love the moon, but I love sleeping a while lot more.

Also, my fish died. Both of them. I never bothered to take any photos, but I wanted to show everyone that they totally do look like Venture Bros. characters. That's right, I had one peachy fish with orange all along his top and a black circle over his eye. Also, one larger albino goldfish (no lie) .. or at least he looked it. He was totally white with pink eyes (I believe.. I never looked close enough at his eyes) and a little red diamondy-circle shape on his tail. These two fish.. were named.. !! Dr. Billy Quizboy and Mr. Pete White. Totally. I was in the pet shop place down the block and I saw these 'feeder goldfish' for 35 cents each. There were about.. uh, a billion of them in this huge tank. The guy is like, "These aren't pets. You feed these to larger fish." And I am like, "Okay, I want two of them. I want to spare some fishy lives." And he just shrugs and scoops two random fish out, and I go "AWESOME" and I take them home with me.

I didn't realize it until I was driving home with the fish in a bag sitting on the passenger seat. I looked over and then it hit me. Gasp! Venture Brothers fish! And so that was that. I had Venture Bros. fish. Nutty. Then they died about a week ago. Very sad stuff, that. I miss them already. They were pretty quiet, laid-back fish. Never spoke out, didn't cause much trouble.. just ate their flakes and swam in circles. The resemblances to Quizboy and White were uncanny, though. Perfect-o!

Pete was a little more spastic than Billy was. And Billy died first by about two days. They were not flushed, no; but were given a proper fishy-burial.

Oh, well. :( They are missed.

This entry was kind of.. random. Out there. Wowwee! Let me end it on a high note, an idea that's been floating around in my head for some time..

He called me the other day! Now, I don't believe in 'love' of course, none of that "THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR ME" crap.. and I've never actively pursued the complete falsehood that is romance, but I do remember a time when he and I thought we were attracted to eachother but later found out that he just loved my body and I just loved his eyes.

But he called me the other day and I couldn't figure out who he was by the voice, so I was kind of.. "Helloooo? Is this, uh.. yeah, it's.." And he hung up on me, and after I placed the reciever down, it hit me.. along with my hand, because I slapped myself right in the forehead a moment later.

Ain't it? :I

{ 2 stars  touch the sky }


BLAH. { Monday, March 28 2005  @09:26pm }

{ mood    groggy }

Blah, so much em-eff.net bandwidth theft..

Otherwise, been feeling pretty shitty. I woke up this morning with blood in my mouth, which was, I think, a result of biting my lip in my sleep. Still, it was disconcerting.

I also am still bedless, and sleeping in a curled up ball on the floor is starting to wear on me in the form of excruciating muscle pain.


{ touch the sky }


{ Thursday, March 24 2005  @05:45pm }

{ mood    anxious }

A friend offered to take me to Nevada this summer in her huge bus!
I won't be able to use the computer anymore, though. >_> But I can get to Cali from Nevada myself. I have enough money now. I am glad she will take me for free. We're going with these two guys and this other girl, and I don't know them.. but I hope they're nice, because we'll be together for like a week on the road. xD

We're going in the middle of summer sometime, she said. I am so glad to get the fuck away from the East Coast. << argh. I don't think I'm going to come back, either, except maybe to visit Linda on major holidays or something. But I am exciteddddddddddddd. :0

More news as it develops. :3

{ 1 star  touch the sky }


yatta { Monday, March 21 2005  @07:43pm }

{ mood    anxious }

Coming down to the final days. :0~
I felt like writing because I just barely avoided complete humiliation by restraining myself in front of a group of people that I'd rather not be brought to tears around. It's that annoying feeling where you're kind of choking them back but they haven't shown just yet, so your jaw starts to hurt and your eyes feel like they're being pushed back into your head. It's bad, but I made it. I'm very good at keeping myself from crying. It's my talent!

I'm tired of hearing the same person say, "It's okay, I can talk to you." The only person that I really can talk to is exactly one continent away. (Kinda.) Here on the east coast, and she on the west coast. I feel like I want to streeeetch my arms across America and grab her. I really, REALLY don't want to sound like one of those depress-o teenagers that you read about on the interweb, but fact is: I am a teenager, and I'm not feeling too good. Not sure I would call it depressed, but there's something going on. Mentally I'm teetering, but physically I'm next to completely dead. And I don't want to hear, "It's because you sit on your ass all the time!" Not true. I don't, and that hasn't anything to do with feeling like shit. It's always been like this. It's a complete lack of energy and feeling; a lacklustre mope/slide, that's how I get around. I'm winded when I'm not moving. I'm sitting still and gasping for air, and sometimes, I fall backward and wake up half an hour later with a headache. My muscles become sore for no reason and sometimes (yes sometimes) they give out completely and I'm sort of taken back when I fall against something. I have the strangest issues with my body, like what appear to be some kind of inflated vessel running along my arm that becomes sore and other times disappears completely. I also feel cold constantly; I sat on the heater (pumping at 75) the other day and felt like I was about to succumb to frostbite.


Maybe I used it up already? I must've run it out before everyone else my age did or something. Whatever's going on, I think it's going to kill me soon enough. Seriously, it's gotten progessively worse the last three years or so and I have this creepy feeling that there's a serious problem that will kill me pretty soon. I'm scared. :(

In other news, I actually considered 'changing' to fit with the changing of my old friends. What was I thinking? Fuck you guys.

{ touch the sky }


{ Monday, March 14 2005  @04:36pm }

{ mood    busy }

I had fun on Friday. Charlie and I went to the Metropolitan! This was my.. third or fourth time there, but my first with Charlie alone. We hung out at Dunkin Donuts for a bit before heading over. I sat in something on the Subway, too. I don't know what it was and I don't want to know. xB Gross.

So then.. we met this really cool guy hanging around the Grecian busts and stuff, sketching something from Dante I believe. The guy who was starving to death and his four sons wanted him to eat him, or something. I forget. But his work was fantastic so Charlie and I got his contact information. Hopefully, we'll be commissioning him someday. Anyway, I saw some absolutely great new stuff, like this one by Paul something. I wrote it down but the pants went through the wash, so that's the end of that. xD~

We spent a while there, then walked through Central Park to Carmines, where we had dinner. And he totally surprised me by getting me a huge sundae and having the waiters make a huge deal. They're like, "Attention everyone!" Then they put the sundae down and everyone sings Happy Birthday to me. xD I was so embarrassed that I forgot to make a wish and just blew the candles out. Then the one waiter guy sang me a little song, something like.. "Lorraine, oh Lorraine, with eyes so.." Then he looks at my eyes.. xD ".. blue and green! So pretty!" And all the waiters were so sweet. We had veal, calamari, and broccoli. Carmines is still the best in the city. Of all of the places I've eaten, this is still the greatest. You can feed like 7 people with 20 bucks and the food is great. So go! And never go to Gallagher's. Did I spell that right? They suck and they're expensive. And we met an Austin Powers impersonator that was actually really good. Fun times. xD He also took me to this secretive bookstore in the Village. (Home sweet home!) We had to be quiet about it, though. Most of the wares were.. uhm, illegal?

Anyway.. enough of that birthday garbage. x)~ I love everyone that wished me a happy one on the 8th. :D It was sweet! Cheryl sung to me on the phone. Yay! As mean as it sounds (and at the risk of Alex beating my head in) I couldn't care less any time after my birthday. How awful is that? Someone with a name beginning with the letter R and ending in the letter K called me up the next day (or the day after, I forget) and was like, "Oh, yeah, and Happy Birthday." I hung up. I'm terrible. :( But a birthday is once. I don't believe in the belated. xP~ But thanks anyway.

I don't think I'll be online much anymore, either. I've been on less and less and it's going to taper off into.. nothing. :0 It's just.. boring? More boring than usual? There's really no point to me even coming on anymore except to update my little sites and things. No fun. :( So! I think this'll be my last computer-ness for a while. And I know I used to say that a lot, but I mean it this time, because the other times I let people go "omg stay on! please!" And I "okay"ed and did, and it went right back to .. nothing. So.. this time, yes, for good. :0 I just don't know when. x)~ My plan is to just go and update sites and crap, then hop right back off. Yes, I'm tired of the e-world. How sad. :(

And that's it. I need to do some updating and things like that. Hurray. ._. I love you, Charlie!

I feel like I'm so furious! yesterday at work my manager said to put in some overtime but like she's not going to pay for the overtime.

What sucks is that liscio went around saying how I got caught backstabbing jacksonpublick. If I get my hands on them and I'm gonna tear off their head and s*** down their neck hole!

This entry automatically generated by the LJ Drama Generator!

I stole that from someone on my friends page. Fun stuff!

{ touch the sky }


Cabbages and kings? { Friday, February 18 2005  @07:31pm }

{ mood    sore }

Today was a bad day. I woke up feeling very sick. My throat was puffy and my head was throbbing, so rather than get out of bed, get dressed and leave, I opted to stay home and slept until 1pm. I'm still sick, so I guess this sick day was a waste.

However, good news reached me as I jumped online this evening -- though I may be losing that eBay auction for PIXYGALE, the doujin that I badly wanted (which had risen in price from 7$ to 28$ in the first two days, so it's hopeless for me), a very sweet girl was kind enough to send me the whole thing via email. She only speaks German, though, so I had a hard time explaining to her what I wanted (but she said my German was good for someone who doesn't know any, so that was an ego boost.) I now own PIXYGALE parts 1 & 2, and.. it was free. I couldn't thank her enough! I went from morose and hopeless to ecstatic. It made my day.

I've also been enjoying another FMA doujin lately, one that I recieved from a private mIRC channel the other day. It's got no title, but it's very interesting although not dotted with passionate sex like the others I have.

From what I can understand (as I'm not great with the Japanese language despite taking that class), during the rebellion, Hughes got very drunk and slept with Mustang, who wasn't drunk and remembers it all. Some time later, Mustang finds a note in his coat pocket with a date, time and address on it, and he heads on over, all the while recalling in his mind the various officers he's been with and what kind of kinky things they're into. He arrives at the address where he's forced into giving head to.. someone. (I think it's The Fuhrer? You can't see the face, but it isn't Hughes. It's some high ranking officer.) Anyway, he's disgusted with the whole thing and washes his mouth out in the sink.

The next day (I assume), he's in office with Hughes, and tells him to go to the locker. Hughes finds a wrapped gift there, and Mustang tells him it's for his daughter. They exchange some cute dialogue about this and that, yadda yadda, but what I find terrific is the layout and way that the artist depicted this scene. It's obvious that Mustang wishes to discuss their night together but he can't; as they're talking, various scenes from that night pop up, as if it's all swimming around in his poor mind as he's with him. Hughes rustles his hair and Mustang swats it away -- their hands become entangled, and it reminds Mustang of how their fingers entertwined while they were engaged in the naughty acts.

(I edited that picture out horribly. It looks a lot better in the doujin itself, surrounded by other scenes. Hahaha. Also, Mustang looks kind of weird there. He looks better, too.) There's also some bits from his initial speech floating around in his head "the heat you don't know about.." Things like that are just awesome. It may not be as steamy as some of the others in my collection, but this one is one of my favourites, now. I love Hughes' oblivious banter, unknowingly distressing Mustang (the poor guy) who's obviously bothered and needy. I can't even discuss the very last scene because it'd be major spoilers for Episode 25 and beyond, so.. but, uh.. the artwork in this one is also fantastic! Everyone looks just as they do in the episodes and stuff.

Which reminds me; I have yet to see a single FMA episode on Adult Swim. I've only seen them all in Japanese, so I really need to try them out dubbed, only because I'm curious. Curious, curious!

Enough of that for now, though -- I get to drive for two hours tomorrow while sick to my stomach! Linda (or someone around here) needs a ride to M-Town. (haha M-TOWN) I really hate going there, despite having spent so much time in it.


{ touch the sky }


Pink Floyd is oftentimes the perfect music to kill yourself to. { Tuesday, February 15 2005  @06:37pm }

{ mood    amused }

I've been writing a lot of protected entries, allowing certain friends to read and others.. well, not. Some I've even written just for myself to read on anytime I'm interested in how inane I used to be. I sort of prefer the method, if only because I'm afraid of you random internet folk. Who are you?
(Kidding. I love strangers.)

Ah, yes, Valentine's Day. What better way to spend Valentines than thinking of someone you promised yourself you'd never allow back into your mind? Am I right? Am I? I was kind of hoping I'd have the cute and mushy moments to fall asleep to while he was on-the-brain, but no, all I did was spend my afternoon lying down and thinking. I also wanted to be one of those girls that sighs and shakes her head and wonders "what went wrong?" I guess I could've been, but I already know exactly what happened and why it did.

Of course, I was just fine with his previous interests in the ways of love, but he wasn't so accomidating towards me, and I suppose that's where we had the most trouble. I never said I liked Maria in the least (though I humored Cheryl if only because they wanted to spend time together, so I grinned and I beared it through every time I was forced to be around the woman) but I didn't jump on him for telling me about her or anything. (Why would I?) And yet when I'd open my mouth about anyone I'd been with prior to our 'getting together', he was so angry he couldn't see straight. I don't find it fair, but then again..

And beside the fact, he wasn't exactly "pure" when our little relationship went underway. I was. Did it bother me that he'd been with at least three girls? No, of course not. Well, that's a lie: it did bother me, but I wasn't about to let it get in the way of our getting along. (And what a surprise -- his adoration of me for being a virgin got to the point of, "I'm going to take it from you!") I've dodged it too many times to give in this once, friend.

What bothers me most is that I was pretending to "be in love", to have one of those cute little love-yous roll off my tongue and for me to really mean it, because I'd cherished him as a friend for so long and wanted him to be happy. It was wrong of me to lead on as though 'this was the one' when I knew it wasn't. He just seemed so ecstatic that I decided to go along with it. Truth is, I've never really been in love. I've been with five guys, three of them twice, and never once was I able to swallow hard, smile, say "I love you" and mean it. That's a terrible thing, I think. It was just that everytime I was with someone, it was by their choice, not mine. I've never advanced on a guy; I'd always be advanced on, and maybe that was the problem? I never chose anyone, they chose me, and I pretty much pretended to fall for every stupid line and trick because I felt like they had the right idea. Maybe this guy thinks this is right? Should I try?

I'm glad he didn't call me up and try another one of his adorable monikers such as "do you remember that time.. that one time.." (Hey, yeah, remember that one time? The time you asked me to lift my shirt for you behind the Bistro? That was fun, especially when you tried forcing me. You're so charming.) But something in me (I don't know exactly what something that is) was destroyed because he didn't pick up the phone this year. And when Cheryl called, I had wanted to explain to her that inside, a certain heart-shaped part of me felt like it was being crushed in a vice.. instead, she and I argued about how our custom t-shirts will look. A delightful pathway out of any awkward moment!

Our final decision? We're going to snap a photo of the two of us touching fingers a la Hank & Dean with the oh-so-creative caption of "Go Team Venture!" Yes, matching shirts. We're just that cool! ;) We can get two done (ringers, by my choosing because I love the damn things) for 21.95 each, which is fairly hefty but not so much if you consider the average selling price of a premade shirt to be around the same. If we buy in bulk, the price drops drastically, but what would we do with 36 shirts featuring two random girls named Lorraine and Cheryl touching their forefingers together and striking a pose? (A friend suggested selling them, but honestly, I think that's even too lame for eBay.) :P

So my Valentine's Day this year was lackluster but perhaps that's a good thing. I don't think sobbing and sulking from a phonecall would have made it any better. I jumped on the computer to keep my mind off of the phone that wasn't ringing and was greeted with a few heartfelt "Happy Valentine's Day"s, which was wonderful. (Including one that was unexpected but very, very sweet. My heart nearly lept out of my chest when I realized who it was.) :P Which reminds me, I do need to update my Venture Bros. site, so I should get on that right away. I go without an update for a week and my inbox is filled to the brim with 'I want this' and 'Please update, I need my Venture fix!'

As far as my future career in the United States Air Force goes, it's on hold, simply because I can't reschedule just yet and my recruiter seems to have given up.
Maybe this is a sign that I should reconsider. My only reason for even wanting to enter was because it would have made my father proud. I guess I have this image in my mind that parents want their children to do what they did, so they can hug them and smile and go, "I'm so proud of you."

Well, that's not going to happen, obviously, but I can do it for him anyway. I'm sure he would have hugged me, smiled, and went, "I'm so proud of you." I can imagine walking into the house, dropping my bags, and saluting him stone faced and him saluting back. (That'd be a dream that I have every so often, actually.) Then we do the hug and smile thing, and everyone's happy (at least I think so.) A pipe dream? I still want to do it. I know he would have loved that.

Anyway, I'd like to finish this portrait before I fall asleep at my computer, so I'll wrap this up with a hopeful "Happy Belated Valentine's" to everyone and anyone that happens upon this journal.

{ 2 stars  touch the sky }


yutyut78 { Saturday, February 05 2005  @03:54pm }

{ mood    aggravated }

Argh. I skipped missed my ortho. The super cute guy called my house, too, and left a message. "Wasn't your appointment today?" WHY DIDN'T I GO? URGH.

I also got pulled over, today. Speeding.. 12 miles over the speed limit. Argh? Whatever. I bought some Fruit Smoothie Skittles. They're really, really good.

I'm about done with Furc if the "customer service" doesn't get better, too. I was about to blow more money on it, but not unless someone gets back to me. It's been a month and a half, nearly. My items are wasting. I've been patient, but give me a break.


{ 1 star  touch the sky }


Almost there! { Sunday, January 23 2005  @12:32pm }

{ mood    guilty }

All done!

So two days ago, I get to the Military Station place, and on the ground right outside it, someone spraypainted a skeleton that said "Support our DUPES!" under it. I really hope there ends up being a draft. Get these people out there, holy shit. OMGREBELAGAINSTTHESYSTEM!!!!!11 FITE FITE FITE

So I spoke to my recruiter for a bit, distracted because the Army guys got out their huge blow-up Army doll thing that was about 10 feet tall.. and had it run up and down outside the window right behind her. How could I concentrate? We both started laughing. Then I got on the shuttle with two kids who are joining the Army. Two and a half hours later (stopping for the driver's cigarette breaks) I get to MEPS, and wait a little bit before taking the ASVAB. It wasn't really hard (of course) but some of the questions were ridiculous. I finished in about 45 minutes, then had to wait two more hours for everyone else to complete it. So I watched TV in the main room for a while. Then, FINALLY, everyone is done, and it's dark as Hell outside. Then they call all of us girlies to the front desk to give us a warning about truckers offering us drugs and money for sex at the motel. Nice? "Whoop their asses if you have to, but be careful. Those guys are in and out of that place, and we've had issues in the past.." Oh, awesome. Like I wasn't scared enough, haha.

Another two hours to the motel where we check in. Neat how everyone in our little mixed group of 12 or so were all from different branches; some kids were Marines, then us Air Force, then Army, National Guard, and Navy. A great mix.
The motel, it's a nasty little place; exactly the kind you'd expect in a horror movie. Lots of 'rednecks' and truckers eyeing us all up. Oh, awesome. I go right to my room (which is actually relatively clean) and hope, PRAY that I bunk alone. It's not that I hate being with people, but I want complete control over the room; bathroom, TV, sleeping hours.. mine. And I ended up alone; I was so happy. I went to the dining hall, and the head chef (who looks about 45) sees me coming down the hall, and he's like, "Hey there, sweetie! You look hungry! C'mon in!" And I'm like.. "I just.. want something to drink, thanks." And he's watching us all eat. I scooted out pretty quick, but I was hungry. Just not hungry enough to eat that unidentifiable sludge or be eyed up by the chef, you know?

I decided to go back to my room for a bit and watch some TV. I watched King of the Hill for an hour, then ventured out to the vending machine. Little did I know that the chef was there, again. He watched me walking, then suddenly goes, "Hey, where you goin'? What's your name?" And I'm like.. "Lorraine.. and I'm going to the vending machine." He goes, "Hi, Lorraine! I'm John!" and flashes me this creepy smile. Then the woman behind the desk goes, "Oh, John, leave 'er alone. Don't even think about it." EUGH. Then as I'm boarding the elevator to the 2nd floor to use the machine, I hear him behind me, "Whaddya mean? I'm just bein' nice, I ain't gonna do nothin'." It was .. beyond gross. I spent more than enough time at the machine because I was hoping he'd be gone by the time I got down. He wasn't.

He watched me go back to my room with Skittles and a danish, and then he comes down the hall a bit and calls to me, "Where ya goin'? What room number?" I just shudder and go, "I'm going to go back to my room.." And he's like, "Whatcha got there?" I didn't even respond, I was way too bothered, so I just went right into my room and locked it, then bummed around for a few hours and watched Crank Yankers, South Park, and Reno 911. Whew. I got to bed relatively early, ignoring the fact that two trucks pulled into the parking lot right outside my window and the guys were talking for 10 minutes. I was so tired.

4:20 AM, I get the wakeup call. Scares the shit out of me. Super Milk Chan is on, so I watch that for a bit and then realize that I have 10 minutes to get ready. No time for a shower, even.. how sick is that? I felt gross all fucking day. I watched Time Squad, then left for breakfast. Same chef, same disgusting shit to eat.. so I don't. I had some coffee, then waited outside for the bus. It finally comes, and thankfully, I get on. Whewww. Two MORE hours back to MEPS for the rest of my wonderful day.

Back to waiting, waiting.. same room, same people.. same shit on TV. Some guy transferring from Navy to Marines was talking to me, but I was so tired, I was barely listening. Nod nod nod. Then we get briefed and told how our day will go. It sounds longggg. And he even says, "Prepare for a long, long day." Super-good. Just what I wanted to hear..
We're led to check in where we get our super awesome identity tags, complete with bar code. Then we get to medical where we're checked in and given some papers, then we're briefed, then we're sent back out to verify some more forms, then back to medical for medical briefing.. back and forth, back and forth.. 30-minute medical briefing showing us how to fill everything out.. then we wait for registering for our physical tests. MORE WAITING. ALL THE TIME, WAITING.

Finally, we get to the medical room (not the briefing one, a hub for each section.) I get my vision tested (visual), my hearing (audio; the soundproof booth was really neat), my blood tested (HIV), my urine tested (I forget what it's called but there's nothing fun about pissing in front of a 45 year old lady to make sure we don't tamper with the cups), then our physical. Not fun at all. Stripping down to our skivvies (bras and panties), myself and five other girls (complete strangers) to do silly things like kicks, duck-walking on our knees, etc. And our doctor was a guy. How awkward! I didn't much like his hands-on checking, either. I know he has to check for lumps and look in our no-no zones, but he had cold hands. :P Freakish. He also humiliated me when I did my medical interview and he asked about my back. When I said I had some back pain, he just abruptly says, "Usually thin girls with larger breasts get back pains." Nice and loud so everyone can fucking hear. All the guys in the waiting room outside the girl's examination room were smiling at me. That bastard.

Anyway, I finally finish, and I'm ready to lift weights and swear in, when.. what happens? I have to go to ortho on the 31st because they're concerned about my back interfering with my job. Okayyy, fineee.. so now I have to wait, and go back to MEPS again. After finding out the great news, I go back to the waiting room and watch The People's Court and King of the Hill for roughly 5 HOURS. I get bored and wander into the Air Force office place to confirm my appointment and make sure I absolutely have to come back, and I see this guy in uniform with his back to me as I enter.

He heard me come in and turned on his heel, then smiled and said, "What's up?" And at that point, my heart exploded in my chest and melted to some kind of gelatinous mush. Maybe it was the sexy uniform, maybe it was his voice, maybe I was just silly with exhaustion.. but I was spellbound within an instant. :P And he was cute, too.. though not that typical cute that most girls seem to like. He was a different sort of cute, the kind that only Lorraine loves. He wasn't terribly young, either; seemed to me like late 20s to mid 30s or so. After he turned, I saw his eyes go from my ankles to my neck and then right to my chest. And he stared, still smiling. Then he looked down to my hips, then back up, then finally back to my face and cleared his throat, then blushed. HOW FUCKING ADORABLE IS THAT? I melted again, for the second time in 20 seconds. "Uh, yeah, about my ortho.." Then he goes, "Oh, yeah.. you're Lorraine?" And I nod, and he's like, "Lorraine, Lorraine.." then starts fingering through some papers until he finds my slip, and explains everything to me. Of course, all I heard was "blah blah.. back appointment.. blahdy blah, make sure you yadda yadda yadda.." All the while, eyeing me up and down, eyes stopping at my chest. For once in my life, I didn't feel uncomfortable while someone was doing that. It was.. nice. And I feel sick for saying it, but it was. I'll be honest. Now when I think of this, it wasn't okay for the chef to do this, but it's okay for this guy? It makes me feel weird, like I'm whorish. But as long as it makes sense to me.. which it kind of does.. and what I also found cute was how he'd stare at my chest and not seem to realize what he was doing. He was oblivious; he'd be staring right there and be talking like it was nothing, but then seem ashamed or something, and stammer and turn away. So cute.

I went back into his office about four times because the woman at the medical desk kept telling me, "Go tell him you can't lift weights until you do your ortho." So I went back. "Hello again!" Then he grins, "Go tell her you can lift weights. I said so." So I do. "No, you can lift weights next week after your ortho." Okay, back again. Kind of silly, but fun. He laughed. That made me smile.

Then he told me to get some lunch and come back, and he'd have it all filled out for me. So I did. Lunch was really good, too. I went back afterwards and he was there, and on hand to set me up for the day. He said something like, "You'll have to talk to your career advisor to discuss what job you're going to get once you swear in. It might be me, it might be someone else. Either way, you need to be here on the 31st, okay? Someone will see you after your ortho." I nodded, thanked him, and then left. As I walked out, I saw him staring at me out of the corner of my eye. I smiled. I then sat back down and watched TV for a few more hours, and throughout the time, that guy was walking in and out, and every single time, we made eye contact. Over and over and over. He'd come in, talk to some people, then look at me and walk out. Then he smiled at me. Awesome. Then, when the shuttle driver didn't show up, he came out in shorts, sneakers, a t-shirt, and with a towel around his neck. He walked by me and touched my shoulder, "He's not here yet?" I shook my head no. "Okay, I'll be in the workout room. Come get me if you need me." I nodded and grinned. Aww, did he want me to go see him working out? I don't know. It was cute either way.

Another hour, more TV. My ass hurt from sitting. The guys at the desk offered to give me the remote, I'd been there so long, haha. Then he came back out, all sweaty, and said to me, "Still not here? I'll give you a ride home if you need it, okay? I'll be in my office." I smiled and thanked him, then watched him go back to the AF office. How adorable, how fucking cute is he? Sadly, my shuttle driver arrived, and he smiled and said, "See you on the 31st, Lorraine." I grinned, "Yeah, looking forward to it." Aw, damn! Why'd I say that? Shit shit shit. But he smiled, and I left. Three hours later (after being in the shuttle with a 56 year old Steelers fan rambling on about who the Hell knows), I get back to the Military Station and my recruiter gives me a ride home (after the Army guys bust my balls for a bit about going Air Force.)

On the way home, she told me all kinds of stories and stuff, then asked me about my career counselor. "Was it Grahm?" I THINK that was his name. I honestly forget. "I think so." Then she's like, "Blonde hair, sort of waved to one side? Sweet guy?" YEAH. "Yeah yeah, him." She starts telling me about how nice he is, then she notices me smiling. "Yeah, he's sweet." Oh, boy. And then she told me that I got a 79 on my ASVAB and I could do any job but a plumber and an electrician. Super-good!

I got home, showered, then went right to sleep. Longest few days of my life, but fun, really not so bad at all. Cheryl called me the next day, and I spent about 7 hours telling her every little detail. I love her so much; she's just who I wanted to talk to, and just as I thought of her, the phone rang. "Hello? Lorraine! How did it go?"

The 31st is on its way..

{ touch the sky }


ROY LOVES ED <3 { Thursday, January 13 2005  @11:57am }

{ mood    anxious }

Well, I didn't go to class today because I had to get my photo ID for taking the ASVAB. They don't accept driver's licenses, so I went out and got a state ID, and now I'm all set!

I have to get up at 6am on Saturday, drive for FOUR hours to the centre, take the shuttle two MORE hours to the testing.. building, then I get to stay overnight in a hotel (paid for and all), then wake up at four in the morning on Sunday, take another shuttle three more hours to the place to get my physical and get my test results, then I get to speak to the career advisor who will give me a list of jobs in the Air Force that I can choose from. Yay!

I should be excited, but I'm more afraid than happy. I don't know why; something about this time of year kind of gets me down.
Oh, well. I really hope I don't fuck up the ASVAB. I tend to go blank-minded when it's something this important.

{ touch the sky }


Whif! { Sunday, January 09 2005  @03:00am }

{ mood    aggravated }

I still can't take the ASVAB. I'm scheduled for the 15th & 16th (a weekend, which is bad.. I prefer to relax on the weekend..) And I don't have a valid photo ID. They don't accept licenses; I need a campus ID. (A school ID. :P) I never got one, however.. and when I asked the photo guy about it, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I dunno what to tell you. Not my problem."

No, man, you don't get it.. it's my problem, and since you're in charge of this stuff, it's YOUR problem, too. Argh. So this back and forth got me nowhere.. and I'm in a lot of trouble if I can't get an ID soon.

Ah, well. Things will work out in the end.

I also wish that I could just tell everyone what I think of them, but I can't.
I've also been missing old friends lately. Why did everyone have to scatter?
I'm also feeling miserably physically, and out of breath all the time.

What is going on!?

{ 3 stars  touch the sky }


Last post of the year!~ { Friday, December 31 2004  @08:47pm }

{ mood    aggravated }

Last entry of the year! Wow.

I went to the mall today. I ended up walking out of Spencer's with something in my hand, and not even realizing it. I wasn't about to run back in, so I just went on. It's just a necklace, no big deal. I saw a few people I know, including Jason and Caitlin (though I hate Caitlin..) It was nice seeing Jason after so long. :)

I also had an absolutely awful experience in Electronics Boutique. I went in wearing one of my Mr. T shirts (a kind of small one, I guess.. for once) and I was checking out MGS3. These two guys (seemed like 20 or 22, around there) were there, and staring at me. One goes, "I've never seen a chick in this store before.." I roll my eyes to myself but smile when I turn and attempt to be friendly. They start asking me about games, I tell them. Don't buy Hitman II, buy Manhunt. No, don't get Siren, get Fatal Frame II. We start talking about games, and I sort of lose track (because me + games = <3333333!!)

They start getting a bit more personal and nice. "So.. what're you doing for New Year's?" I'm like, "Nothing much. I can't have alcohol because I've got this drug test tomorrow.." Then they're like, "Want to come with us? I mean.. we're partying at Dave's (the guy next to him) tonight, and it'll just be us and a few friends.. playing PS2 and stuff. We've got Gamecube, too.. some other games.. you wanna?"

"Nah.. I'm thinking of doing something.." I just wanted to get away without being an asshole, so I'm slowly working my way out.. "But thanks anyway." They both sort of "aw, c'mon" at me, but I just shrug it off. Then we start talking about games again for a bit, but then.. the one asks me my name and says, "maybe you could give me your phone number and we could chill sometime? I'd love to play you sometime." His friend goes, "He's great at Super Smash Bros. Melee.." Argh! Forgetting my situation, I just cross my arms over my chest and go, "No one beats me at that game." Well, it's true. No one does! They both grin with glee and start going on and on about how I'm the first 'gamer girl' they've met and how they think girls who play games are hot. "This is my first time meeting a girl who loves games.. and a cute one, too.." His friend blushes. Neat?

We go back and forth and apparently, they're loving it. I'm not. I'm not trying to lead them on, just being nice. I tell them I have to go, and I end up talking to them for, like.. fifteen minutes. "I've really got to be going.." He asks for my number again and insists I go with them. He whips out his cell phone to put my number in, but I keep telling him I can't. I keep telling them off.. they persist. They seemed really sweet and sincere, but I just didn't feel like it. ON THE RAG, YOU KNOW. YEAH. THE RAG.

It sucked. I was really, really uncomfortable. This is why I stay in my XXLs. That's the last time in a LONG time that I venture out of them. Forget it.

I also bought gifts for a few friends, going out in the mail tomorrow.
Oh, yeah. My older brother got in an accident and totaled his car, so he got another one on this insurance plan or summat.. it's fucking nice. Mitsubishi Eclipse, almost new. What the fuckery? It's so.. nice. And I saw Lemony Snicket today, it was pretty good. This lady had these two twins and they kept talking (not whispering, talking), so Johnny turns and goes "shh.." then I "shhhh!" then Johnny goes "Jesus Christ, SHUT UP." They stopped.

Enjoy the end of the year, everybody.
Stooges marathon for me!

{ touch the sky }


Dickface! { Tuesday, December 28 2004  @01:03am }

{ mood    aggravated }

I hope anyone and everyone reading this had a wonderful holiday season and continues to.

Mine was okay.
m-f.net is back up and has a new layout.

What else?
I'm not really going to read my friend's entries anymore (not that this matters to you or anything.) Just tired of reading entries and sighing and shaking my head. It's too silly. I'm not aiming this at anyone specifically (publicly, anyway) so don't get offended just yet.

My back hurts.
I'm sick of telling her that I'm too busy to talk or that I need to shower when she calls. I love her, of course; I just dislike being on the phone for.. oh, more than seven hours or so? Come on.

Though I'm amazed we still find things to talk about every day for so long..

{ touch the sky }


Free Mumia! { Thursday, December 23 2004  @07:42pm }

{ mood    drained }

I'm still really, really sick. And tomorrow is Crimmas Eve, isn't it?

I'm sorry about team-venture and metallic-frost both being down. I just don't have the money. ._. They're not gone forever, just for now. Again, sorry (especially to my hostees.)

I hope I get better before Crimmas itself; this year's holidays just weren't much fun. (Infact, the past few years have been really lackluster..)

And I still have that annoying, ugly port. Thanks to Paypal being down, the girl who was going to unload it for me couldn't. It's still there.. damn. I want to replace it!

Oh well.
Happy holidays, everyone. >_>

{ 1 star  touch the sky }


... { Thursday, December 16 2004  @07:51pm }

{ mood    crushed }

Yeah, so my journal layout is not there because of an issue I'm having with my domains. And I can't edit it to fix the image links and such because my paid account expired, so it'll stay this way until tomorrow (or whenever they feel like un-shutting me down.) I loathe having to check my email, if not simply because I know it's filled with "OH MY GOD YOUR VENTURE BROTHERS SITE IS DOWN OH MY GOD." Sigh.

Anyway, I'm well on my way to entry! As of this moment, I'll be going into basic training around the middle of next summer. I just need to take this one test (besides the ASVAB, which I'm taking around the same time) and then sign some more papers. I must've signed, like, what.. fifteen papers? Lots of oddly specific questions.

I also cried yesterday. I was digging through a bunch of papers looking for my birth certificate and I happened to hear Linda on the phone in the other room. Not sure who she was talking to, but she thought I couldn't hear her, and I listened to her tell this person about how stupid I am for entering the Air Force and how I should go into one of those art colleges. Yeah, I have like ten or twenty packets and letters from art colleges all over the United States asking me to take an interest in them because, apparently, they found out about all those national art awards and shit that I've won. Art has always been "me"; I was known as "the girl who can draw really really good" through Elementary, Junior High and High School.. it was sort of my tag, my signature. I've never stopped drawing or creating, and it's still something I'm recognized for.

But you know, I don't want a career in art. I don't want to be known as an artist, simply because.. while everyone else has loved and fawned over my work, I haven't. I don't like the way I draw, I don't like my style (or whatever it is) and I really never thought of myself as some fantastic artist or anything. I want to be successful; I want to be financially secure; I want to make sure that I make something of myself, for once. Damn!

So yeah, I did cry, because Linda was like, ".. she has all this talent and she's joining the fucking Air Force? Give me a fucking break, this girl has no clue what she's doing, and that artistic ability is being wasted on a moron who doesn't know what to do with her life. She's trying to distract herself. I think she knows she's.. uh, you know.. I think she.. well, she isn't what I'd call.. she hasn't.. nevermind, you know what I mean. She's fucking stupid, that's got to be the best way to put it."

She wanted to say I was a failure, that I was never good for anything, and that me going into this is just my excuse; like, 'oh, I totally suck at life, so let me pretend I'm doing something great and noble when I'm just trying to look good.' So when I heard her say it and happened to pull out one of those art college envelopes at the same time, my eyes just filled with tears right off. I don't cry right, I only tear up and maybe sniffle, but my face doesn't wrinkle up and I don't sob. I just tear. So I was able to listen to the rest of her conversation, and man, she just didn't have anything nice to say about me. What a surprise.

At this point, I've deduced that everyone is on the opposite side of this. No one is behind my decision but me. Did I expect this? Sort of. Apparently, I'm a fucking moron for making this choice, and I should dig through all those art school things and see what happens. But, of course, no one matters to me but myself, and I'm doing what I please -- so, thusly, after I take the upcoming ASVAB and that other test (the name of which eludes me at the moment), I'm off to basic training, and fuck anyone and everyone that disagrees!

I know, I sound so cookie cutter!~ But it's true. If it's what I want to do, then I'm going to do it.
.. though, I really don't. (Huh?) I'm in it for the financial security and because I'd like to have made my father proud, as he was in the Air Force National Guard. It's lame, but it's true.

Holidays are coming up! I still need to finish my shopping. Oh, and I totally peeked at all of the gifts Linda got me. I'm so terrible. ;D~!!

{ 2 stars  touch the sky }


D'oh! { Wednesday, December 15 2004  @04:48pm }

{ mood    sleepy }

I've been really, really sick lately. When I inhale, I can hear the breath going into my lungs and it sounds like someone crumpling paper up, then when I exhale, it's hard for the air to go through, and I end up coughing. I feel like crap.

Almost holidays! Hooray. I find that the week or so before the holidays themselves are usually long and labourious, then the day itself whizzes by.. and the days following, too. Then back to a skidding halt as we await the next round. I still haven't finished my shopping or anything, and the days are winding down..

So this girl I'm friends with (and happen to see all day long) has been really nice to me lately. I figure she's just being her usual, happy self, but then I find out from her sister that she's into girls. (!!) "Yeah, she's been a lesbian since, like, 8th grade", she tells me. "And she has a crush on you." Aw! That's sweet, but I have no idea how to tell her that I'm not gay. How many times do I have to go through this situation? What's with girls liking me? xP And all the guys I've been with in the past -- I hated every one of them. Go figure!

What else? Nothing else. The dry winter air is killing my skin, though. I wish I lived someplace warm.. LIKE IN CALIFORNIA WITH CHO-CHO. Oh, I also signed a bunch of forms for my entry into the Air Force the other day and took a practice ASVAB. I got all of the Verbal right, and about 40% of the Mathematical. What a surprise, right? I fucking told this lady I can't do math. It just doesn't work with me, I don't know. English and the like, though.. I'm awesome at.

I just want to go lie down; but I have to go update my Venture Bros. site, check my email, do other website related things.. do my laundry.. I just don't feel like being online right now.

{ touch the sky }


BLAH BLAH. { Saturday, December 11 2004  @05:36pm }

{ mood    amused }

Aw, my paid account expired.. ;_; I miss all the icons. Oh well! THANKS loserluigi! I still owe you. xB~#SO

So, yeah, nothing much going on.. HOLIDAY SHOPPING. Very, very low on cash. Might have to dig into the bargain bins for this year..

Oh! I got two of my shirts in the mail today. Still waiting on Ziggy, Mr. T, Freddie, and Popeye.. but I got Nintendo and Jimi Hendrix, though both appear to be too small for me. (Did someone mismeasure? Yeah!) Check it out:

RINGERS! <3 All the shirts I ordered are ringers except the next one. Jimi Hendrix, mmmmm!~ Too small (most obviously) but I plan on re-ordering larger ones.

Nintendo! <3 This one is definitely being replaced by a larger one. Though, with both, I had ordered the largest available; I'm going to ask if maybe they HAVE larger, because I love the designs and such but the size displeases me greatly. It's not just that they're tiny (way too tiny for me), but they ride up -- and they sort of bunch up under my chest, which is not only embarrassing but uncomfortable. (Plus they sort of make my jubblies look droopy, which they aren't.. they're way perky. (HAHA SORRY INAPPROPRIATE.) But since the shirt rides up my back, and the front falls forward.. you know what I mean? I'm so not droopy.. argh.

Anyway, I need me a shower. Git outta mah stink-howse!~

{ touch the sky }


So remember that! { Thursday, December 02 2004  @04:43pm }

{ mood    complacent }

Okay, so here's the thing..

I did my wonderful presentation. The 25 minute oral? It ended up a 45-minute oral. The visual and product were both frowned upon, and I ended up getting.. an 80! Wowee! I would have been just fine with something like a 71 (because I just wanted to pass), but an 80 is phenomenal for someone like me who is used to nothing but Cs all across.

Apparently, I failed every component except the speech, but the judges said something akin to, "you were very comfortable speaking in front of total strangers and obviously knew a lot about the subject", so the speech saved my ass. And yeah, I have no problem at all getting up in front of people and stuff like that, so I got lucky.

Now that this crap is over and done with, a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.. however, a much larger one has been set in its place, this one being my entry into the Air Force come this next summer. I'm taking the ASVAB pretty soon (actually have to stay overnight in a hotel just to take it, how neat.. I LOVE hotels, incase you didn't know that) and from there, I've got it all mapped out. I'm hoping it's as easy and pleasant as I'm imagining it is, though we all know I'm never right, so.. here's hoping. I've got to make calls and sign papers and all that jazz, so I'm forseeing a lot of stress in the upcoming months, clashing with the holiday season, oh no!~

About to work on my Venture Bros. site for a bit, then read up on the ASVAB and make some tea.. so I'll end this on a beg-a-thon note of sorts.

I'd REALLY (emphasis, REALLY REALLY) like two portraits of mine unloaded on Furc, if anyone reading this is on there, and I'm willing to offer an account at metallic-frost.net for it. It's ten dollars, and yes, I'm aware that "I can just get it myself", but not without a CCNow, and I don't .. have one. I'm not about to send cash in the mail (what with the bad luck with that) and I'd really like it done soon if possible. Thanks in advance to anyone considering.

{ 2 stars  touch the sky }


Argh! { Thursday, November 25 2004  @11:05pm }

{ mood    anxious }

I don't know what happened with my presentation grade-wise, but I think it went terribly. The committee men (two, not three like there were originally) were yawning, rubbing their eyes, falling asleep.. nice. Then they avoided me when I went to get my evaluation. How awesome is that? At least I can enjoy this weekend without worrying about my horrendous failure. Save that for Wednesday, right?! There was also an issue with the computer system and my entire visual presentation sort of.. wasn't working. I freaked a little, but I don't think the two guys cared at all. They sort of had this "and why should I care?" expression on the entire time. Then I had to explain picture processing bits to them, and I did so very simply and carefully. However, neither of the men understood, and I think that made it even worse for my case. But I digress..

I have to watch a neighbour's two little children tomorrow evening. I've never met these people before, but apparently, Linda said it was okay for me to sit and make sure the kids are okay for the night.. forgetting that I absolutely loathe children, and she told me that they're 4 and 6. Is that a cute age? I forget. Doesn't matter, I still won't be able to stand them. Plus I'm feeling rather sick (again), sore throat and headaches, with additional pain in another region that I'm sure you don't care about. (Girly stuff, ew!) Gross!

Oh, yeah! Today is Thanksgiving! I hope everyone reading this had a good one. I did.. sort of. I mean, I made a lot of food and everyone ate well, but I think that because I wasn't feeling well, it was sort of reflected and brought everyone down. (Besides the fact that I haven't seen anyone at the table in months and months, with the exception of Linda.) I noticed that the mood was down due to my listless, i-just-want-to-go-lay-down attitude, and so in a desperate attempt, I reached over to the turkey and gently tore off the little wing, skin and all. I slipped my arm into my sleeve and held the little turkey-wing out like an arm, then smiled and said softly, "Call me Jonas.. Jonas Venture Junior.."

And then I was met with dead, awkward silence. Forks were lowered all at once with a melodious *clink!*, mouths stopped moving.. and so I wiggled the little arm and grinned. What else could I do? Someone (I forget who) put their head in their hands and went, "Oh my God.." and then we all laughed. We laughed! All at once! How great is that? Only half or so of the table were fans of the show, so I'm not even sure why everyone else was laughing -- though, most probably, it was because I was making an idiot of myself at the table. Regardless, Venture brings the family and friends together, you see?

Anyway, I'm exhausted and very sick, so I think I need to be on my way again.
I swear, I so live for the end of the day..

venture brothers are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

(Stolen from loserluigi!) That was my first time doing it, too. Honestly. It's one of those things that scans your interests and just plops it in there, but what're the odds I'd get VB first off? Nice. (I got Jimi Hendrix second and South Park third. Also awesome.)
{ touch the sky }